Red flags Don’ts in a friendship or relationship that should to be addressed. Sometimes it can be a Pink flag. You be the judge.

Are you getting abused mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually? A little or a lot. That’s a Red flag.

Are you afraid, to be yourself? Are you afraid to bring up difficult or hard subjects? That’s a Red flag.

Is someone making you feel guilty or pressuring you against your morals? That’s a Red flag.

A person that’s emotional unavailable. That’s a Red flag.

A person that say hurtful things or criticize you in a joking way. That’s a Red flag.

When you start to feel like you are changing for the worst because of someone else. That’s a Red flag.

You are not feeling at peace, joy or happiness in the relationship. That’s a Red flag.

When you feel used. The person act like they wasn’t interested in you, then it’s a sudden change. Now they like you. That’s a Red flag.

When a person will lie for nothing or a little white lie. You know they will lie about something big. That’s a Red flag.

Hang around bad influence. That’s a Red flag.

The person is always right or never take accountable for their actions. That’s a Red flag.

A person that talk down to others or mistreat people and people of service. That’s a Red flag.

A person that doesn’t love themself. That’s a Red flag.

Someone that doesn’t like or can’t stand to be alone. That’s a Red flag.

This is just some, it’s many more. When you come across a Pink or Red flag in your relationship or friendship address it. If the Red flag change for the better. Wonderful. If not, leave safety.

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The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse on the family. The Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers, but men can also be abused. When children  witness domestic violence, that’s trauma. Children are at a greater risk of having emotional, behavior issues, be sexually abused and have learning problems.

You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with God,  a trusted family member, friend or counselor.  God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It  will affect you mentally and physically. We’re not the same and things don’t affect everyone in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe or secure most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping and dealing with life. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Your behavior changes at work or school. You begin to lose trust and faith in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess he did love me, but he had a problem and he abused me for many, many years. I stayed, because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I thought I could be enough for him to want to change.  That didn’t happen.

Now, I live to help others by sharing my story.

So why is it not recognized or why is it overlooked as a serious crime, especially if its emotional abuse vs physical abuse? I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse are equally serious crimes and both of these problems should be addressed. Most cases involve men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight and witnessing the abuse.

Abuse kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: The abuse occurs. He then starts to feel guilty and then he makes excuses.  The fantasy begins –  he gives you flowers, candy, sweet talks you and then wants to make love with you.  Then the setup – the abuse starts again!

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner is done to dominate and control. There are also more ways to abuse the other person  – like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.




Normal behavior



The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize you are being abused decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself. Utilize people, agencies and resources that are out there to help. If you decide you want to get an order of protection – go to your local courthouse.  The service is free for domestic violence cases. You have to fill out the paperwork and you have to be very detailed and honest.  There are also clerks in the office to answer questions.  After you turn in your paperwork, a judge will look over them and may need to speak with you.  At that time you may be granted a temporary protection order and you will get four copies.  One copy for yourself, the police department, the courts and then your abuser will be served.  If you have a picture of him and describe him it will make it easier for him to be located and served.  You will then be given a court date if all of the facts go in your favor you should receive a permanent Oder of Protection.  Be safe – Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

God bless,

Denise Hardnett

“Love Doesn’t Have To Hurt”

Please leave any question or comments.