This is to all my sisters living with domestic violence and abuse.   Are you confused living with your abusers,  not knowing how they are going to act from one minute to the next.  I was.  Wandering if it’s something that I have done.  We are continually changing  ourselves, not realizing they have the control to change themselves.  We all have choices to make, you have to decide what we say and do.  We don’t have to be abuse others.  Understand, you control your anger and emotions.  They can too.  I am not telling you nothing that I haven’t been through my self.  I had to learn this and I also had to get the strength to move on.

Before you leave, you must have a plan.   A successful plan that will keep you and your children safe.  Once you decide to leave or have left, please know,  these are the most dangerous times.

For one, your abuser don’t want you to go.  Secondly, once you leave your abuser is going to want you back.  So it is very important that you stay safe.  These are safety tips if you are planning to leave and some for after you have gone.

You are not alone, when I decide to leave my abuser I had to plan it out to keep my children safe.  Was it scary?  Yes.  Did I try to talk myself out of it?  Yes.  Did  I want my children to have their father? Yes.   But I also had to realize that he was hurting us.  He was not trying to change, so I had to do what I could to keep us safe.  Please use these tips whenever you decide to use them.

Planning to Leave

1. If you drive, leave the driver door unlooked, hide a extra key.

2. Have information papers, cash along with clothing for you and children in a safe place.

3. Have a cellphone or domestic violence cellphone to call 911.

4.  Make sure you are not being following and change your routes.

5. Learn special code words with your children, so you can use in case of  emergencies.

6. Memorize important numbers

7. Know shelters, crisis lines and churches in your area

8. Let your children schools, daycare know your situation to remove the abuser off the pick up form.

9.  Get outside help to assure you have a safe place to go.

10. Make sure you and the children learn a safe way out of the home in case of fire or violent attack.

11.  Know all the safe places in your neighborhood like hospitals, gas stations, police station and friends                  house.

12.  Make a budget?  Try to save money.

13.  Document any abuse with pictures, diary, and record phone calls.  This is helpful when you call the police and helpful after you leave.  You can get an order of protection and help with legal fees.

Once you Leave

1. Stay in well lighted areas.

2. Screen all phone calls, even after you change your number.

3.  Be careful when you use computers, cell phone, GPS, stores, telephone and utilities company all can give        your location.

4.  Get unlisted phone number

5.  Make sure you are not being followed.

6.  Change your routes often.

7.  Make sure you are the only one to pick up the children.

8.  Make sure the schools, daycare and your job know your situation.

9.  You are in a safe place

10.  If you have to see your abuser, make sure you are not alone and make sure it’s in a public place.

God bless you and be safe,

Denise